I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
