so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
