Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I love how my cats smell like pot.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
