can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
