I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
