my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
