felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
