well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
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