I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
