It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
