Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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