It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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