you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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