how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
