did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
