My hair reeks of homosexuality.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
