Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
