Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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