no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
