So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
