i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
