I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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