Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
