So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
