guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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