I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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