Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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