She said her name was "party"
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
