On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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