My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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