I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
