one two three fourrrrnication!
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
