Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
