Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
