ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
