You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
