real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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