Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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