I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize
