I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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