Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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