my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
