my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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