he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
