Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
