Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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