I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
