I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
My ATM looks so different sober.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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