pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
