Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
