Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
