Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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