Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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