My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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